I never thought this would be my first story on Medium but given the timing and circumstances, I think it’s appropriate using this platform to share my experience and voice as an Asian female on what has been going. To be perfectly honest, I struggled in writing this because there’s so much to say. But if not now, when?
First.. facts.
First, let’s all agree on one thing. Asian racism and xenophobia is real and thriving. This has now been thrown into center stage given the increase in recent cases but let’s not kid ourselves that Asian racism came out of nowhere.
Second, classifying Asians as the model minority to justify that Asian racism doesn’t apply is wrong. While Asians have recognized some success in American society, it does not mean Asians are fully accepted and don’t suffer from acts of bigotry. Racism is racism — there is no “lesser form” nor is it a relative construct.
Third, racist acts stems from many forms — it’s not just physical violence but it’s also acts of micro-aggression, verbal abuse, and even inappropriately objectifying Asian women.
With the fear-mongering rhetoric around Covid, a lot of misinformation and slang terms has been extremely hurtful to the Asian community. It’s given many uneducated, closeted racists the freedom and ammo to publicly speak and act out against Asians. Asian hate crimes are up 150% since Covid started and it seems to target a specific vulnerable segment of the Asian population who can’t defend themselves. It is simply not okay.
The Asian Expectation
While this is the first time I am seeing a lot of my fellow Asians (myself included) being more vocal about Asian racism, let me just say that this is unprecedented for several reasons.
We grow up thinking or hearing from our parents that what you need is good grades and good education to be successful. What we were also told is that to be a good Asian, you should hide away your feelings and “don’t cause attention”. If something bad happens to you, don’t make a big deal out of it because it happens to everyone. So yes, we grew up focused on doing what it takes to be successful and resilient but we also grew up thinking having an outspoken voice was not always good. Our parents’ intentions didn’t come from a bad place, but it was done simply for our own protection. Tolerating in silence is safer than speaking up.
This narrative sticks with you and is one of the key reasons why even now, Asians don’t necessarily speak up or admit we need help when bad things happen. There’s pressure to deal with it in isolation but my hope is that we can use this moment to share our stories and be supportive of one another.
My story
Let me start off by saying that I have been lucky growing up in Toronto, a true melting pot of a city and for the most part, I felt safe and not ostracized for being Asian.
However, one story that I don’t share often is when I first moved to Canada, we used to live in a not-so-great apartment building. There was a Caucasian couple that lived down the hall from us that I knew didn’t like us as soon as we moved in. They would always say something under their breath when they saw us coming, would step away and never bothered holding the elevator for us. At the age of 8, I already knew it was because I looked different.
One day, my brother and I were throwing garbage out in the garbage room, and there was a large chair sticking out that someone didn’t bother bringing to the first floor to recycle. That couple came out of their door at the same time — and the man’s eyes just went wide and he started yelling at us from down the hall. All I knew was that he was really angry and we hurried back to our apartment. Seconds later, we heard this large banging at our door. My mom looked through the peephole and the guy was just throwing expletives at us. He had dragged the chair that didn’t belong to us and left it in front of our door. I don’t recall exactly what he was saying but the world f*** was brought up a lot and “s*** Chinese” was also mentioned. We tried to ignore it but this went on for what felt like hours before he gave up and left. The sad part was, my brother and I dragged this massive chair that didn’t belong to us down to the first floor to prevent further trouble.
After this incident, my mom would tell us to avoid this guy as much as we can and take the next elevator if we saw him. It wasn’t fair. Even though he was the one who was aggressive, even though he was the one who made racist remarks, even though he was the one who made young children feel unsafe and new immigrants feel unwelcome, we were the ones who kept silent and suffered that shame.
What is heartbreaking is that this was 20+ years ago yet when you see the recent uptick of racist acts towards Asians, you have to ask yourself — has anything changed? Maybe because we kept silent and didn’t defend ourselves, it continued to happen under our nose with not much improvement. How many stories of untold racism goes unnoticed vs the one Instagram viral video that you suddenly see?
Believe me when I say this type of story has 100% happened to your Asian friends/neighbors/community. Even in areas like where I am now — San Francisco — which has one of the highest concentration of Asians in America, you expect more acceptance yet this has actually been an epicentre of Asian hate crimes especially since Covid started.
It DOES apply to you.
Look I get it, it’s easy to tell yourself that these events are hard to digest — “it’s too macro”, “too many terrible things are happening “ or “I can’t make a difference”. It also doesn’t help that in a society like ours, where we have a memory like a goldfish and bombarded with instagram posts related to the flavor of the day, it gets tiring. But if it’s tiring for you, what about the people who suffer through this indignation everyday? The Asians who don’t have a choice to mute a notification, the ones who don’t know English, or the ones who are just walking down the street but suddenly get shoved into the pole for no reason — who is going to fend for them?
I admit I have been a silent lurker and would only discuss these issues with a very few close friends. However, as a society, where racism is only now becoming less taboo to talk about, I say we capitalize on this momentum. I owe it to my fellow Asians, my parents and my community who have been silenced and give them a chance to speak out, or at least acknowledge and be aware of their story.
Where do we go from here?
I hear the word allyship being thrown around a lot and I am glad a lot of thought is being placed behind this word. For me personally, I think there’s actually many ways to be an ally:
- Let’s not shy away from the uncomfortable conversation — posting on instagram is a great way to get mass awareness but fundamentally, for things to change, we have to engage. Heck, I never post and here I am, writing a full article about this. We all have to do our part and confront our own fears on saying the wrong thing or talking about the uncomfortable things — not just amongst friends/family but especially with strangers who don’t get it.The more we talk about it and put it front and center, the less taboo and more normal it becomes.
- Educate yourself — whether it’s attending a work forum, read online resources, talk to a friend — start educating yourself on what Asian racism is about. It’s okay if you don’t know everything (I sure don’t) but we all have to start somewhere right?
- Speak up for the non-represented community — I heard someone say today that allyship is sometimes about being the unpopular voice in the room. It’s not about being the hero. If you hear someone make a funny racist joke or remark, call them out. Sure, it might suck to be the debbie downer but it’s this stuff that helps and correct what is appropriate.
- Care about one another — reach out to your Asian community/friends/colleagues. I can’t tell you how much it is appreciated to know we have people checking in on us and asking how we are.
So, I still don’t know what this all means, or have the answers on what’s next. I am also not here to preach because everyone reacts and processes things differently and on their own timeline. I just hope to shed awareness because all I know is that there IS strength in numbers and the if we can get our community together to discuss and engage, we may finally be able to change this narrative.
At the end of day, we are all people and when one hurt, we all hurt. Because let’s face it — this isn’t just an Asian issue — it’s a human issue.
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Some more good resources and links to check out:
